wellity wellity wellity
i sounded proper depressed this morning, apologies. i talked to some people (rosie,kathi,owain) and it made me feel better. thanks dudeys. i pretty much sorted it out in my mind. they got me looking at the good stuff instead of all the crap i've been focusing on since yesterday, and it made me realise i've been a completely ungrateful bitch. your still a dick, but everyone's fucked up in at least one way, me included (although lets not get into my flaws here, lol) and im gonna be grateful for all the stuff you are that i love.
so anyway, tomorrow is new years eve, i've already done all my 09 evaluation blogs, so im not gonna do all that again because i'l look silly, but i found a quiz, so im gonna do that :D
2009: In The Beginning.
Where did you go on New Years? nowhere, i stayed in :P
Who were you with? msn and myspace, oh the days of myspace :')
Did you kiss anyone on new years? no, :\
Did you make any resolutions?: yes,
2009: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year? YES, id say a lot. some good some bad.
Did you dye your hair?: nope
Did you get your hair cut?: i went from side fringe to full fringe many times :P, and grew my hair, still am (yn)
Did you change your style?: sort of? fashions have changed, so has my wardrobe with it.
Were you in school?: when i had to be
Did you have a job?: i did a paperround for a while, that ended. then i delivered some leaflets, then got a temp job in an indian. now im jobless again/:
Did you drive?: no, not old enough :P
Did anyone close to you give birth?: not really , not that i can think of
Did you move at all?: nope, never have. i love my house.
Did you go on any vacations?: LINCOLNLAND`!
Did you leave the country at all?: franceland, lille{:
2009: Your Love Life.
Did you break up with anyone?: no.
Did you meet anyone special?: yes i did, someone id known a while, but didnt know well. until this year obvs :P
Did you fall in love?: im not really sure, i did sort of. but i dont wanna be one of those people who uses the word love in vain, so yes and no :\
2009: Friends and Enemies.
Did you meet any new friends this year? indeedio, quite a few :D
Did any of your friendships end?: i drifted apart from rob:\ and probably some others
Did you dislike anyone?: there are always people i dislike, arseholes. :D
Did you resolve any fights?: not major ones
Who were your closest friends?: rosie, kathi, kat, sam, watkins, jack, owain(tho hes more a brother), matt, and for a while chris.=(STUPIDGREMLIN:@)
Did you grow apart from anyone?: rob. and chris.
Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?:my mistakes make me who i am, if id never done something it could have messed something good up
1. Have you had any relationships this year? yes{:
2. Have you had your birthday yet? 2nd may, was so good!
3. Kissed two or more people in the same night? same night?! no
4. Been on a diet? meeer, go away please. yeah i have.
5. Pulled an all nighter? no, i always fall asleep eventually:P
6. Drank Starbucks? no, :P
8. Bought something(s)? lol, tons. :D love retail therapy tbh.
9. Met someone special who changed your life? yes, quite a few people tbh
10. Been out of the province? yesyes
What are you thinking about? sleeping, my cousins tomorrow, then staying at kats and slobbing out {:
Does your ex hate you? no, i've stayed friens with all of them, id hate to not
Have you drank alcohol this year? no (A) course not!
Would you get married if you could right now? no. :L
How did you feel when you woke up today? sad, lonely, angry, tired, crampy.
Are you good at hiding your feelings? i've got so good that even when i want to show them i cant.
Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? depends how they broke it.
If you could change your eye color would you? no, i like my eyes
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? yes, we got through it, shes amazing ;D
Do you like to have long hair or short hair? long, can do more. but i always get the urge to cut it all off, but im not brave enough :P
Are you over the age of 25? nope.
How do you currently make your money? rentals, and gifts:P
Do you want to get married & have children one day? marriage, yes, children, hmmm
Which of your friends do you argue with the most? kathi, because we're both stubborn and wont give up :P
Have you kissed anyone in the last 4 hours? nope:\
How many texts are in your inbox? 272
Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you? owain does a lot cos hes amazing, and a couple of times from glen. and others have given me like the friendly 'ily' ofc :D
Who was your last text message from ? rosie:P
Who was the last person you rode in a car with? my dad, when my stupid bus didnt come
When was the last time you cried really, really hard? hmm, i cried a little yesterday. but really really hard? i dont remember, probably when my grandad died.
Who took your profile picture? me ;D
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? cry over the truth, least its real
What’s on your bedroom floor right now? duvet slippers, straighteners/curlers, camera, etc
Do you trust people too easily? sometimes.
Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? sometimes.
Have you ever liked someone alot older than you? lol, no apart from celebrities xD
If you had a baby with the last person you texted, what would the baby' s last name be? lockett. but thats not possible..
How many people are you texting? none right now
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? yeah, ima go bed after this me thinks
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? dandelion and burdock, lol!
Could you ever forgive a cheater? right now id probably say yes. but it erally depends on the circumstances.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? owain, no, hes amazing!
Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? rosie, knows pretty much everything, sometimes more than i do.
Have you ever made out in a public bathroom? naah
Have you told anybody you loved them today? nope
Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching? no, id never have any fun if i did!
Have you ever gotten the butterflies? yes, they're amazing (L)
Do you like to run? not really. occassionally i get an urge for it, and at night i like running.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself? a few,
Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? non
Do you get snow where you live? yeeees, normally every year
Do you believe in love? completely. never havent.
This year have you ever been heartbroken? its probably got a few bruises, but not broken yet
Are you afraid of commitment? no. not at all.
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
the line between love and hate is thin
recently i've learned what the saying 'there's a thin line between love and hate' means. a lot. i always said to myself i wouldn't let anyone treat me like shit. but i still do. i know i'm nothing special and there are so many people out there better than me but why make it worse? i don't think you even care anymore. about me anyway. you taught me one thing at least. the best way to never be disappointed is to never expect anything. and i don't.
maybe i'm just being ridiculous because of that and maybe when that is gone it will go back because i wont be in such a shitty mood as i am now, and was yesterday.
the worst part of it all is that knowing if i did tell you everything, and not keep stuff inside you'd probably just say 'ollolol'. and even worse than that you wouldn't care anyway. i've become so good at holding my emotions in over the years, that sometimes even when i try and let them out they won't come. and that in itself saddens me.
yesterday wasnt my day. skipping out emotion wide stuff here, new look was too crowded for me to shop, the only top i found i liked was only there in size 16 and 18, there were no bread/pretzel/leons samples AT ALL, it rained so we couldn't go outside, i waited for two buses home and both didn't come so i froze while out there and was shivering until i fell asleep (but maybe this wasn't all about the cold), and to top it all off my fringe looked bad all day. fml. seriously.
although, i did get everything i wanted. photo albums, rechargeable batteries, a folio, a keyboard, and some cd's. a taylor swift one, which i have all the songs off of, but her songs always related to my life, especially right then. and its nice to have the lyrics and her thank you's in front of me. and a nickelback one, which i bought purely because i've wanted that album a while.
and then i've got english coursework, that, and the fact i really don't feel like getting dressed and therefore cant look in the mirror to deal with. woohoo.
bonnie was right, its funny how some songs can completely relate to how you feel.
tell me why - taylow swift
i need you like a heartbeat
but you know you've got a mean streak
makes me run for cover when you're around
and here's to you and your temper
yes i remember what you said last night
and i know, that you see
what you're doing to me
tell me why?
**
i'm sick and tired of your attitude
i'm feeling like i don't know you
you tell me that you want me then cut me down
i'm sick and tired of your reasons
i've got no one to believe in
you ask me for my love then you push me around.
damien rice - cannonball
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
...
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
taylor swift - cold as you
You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you
the script - breakeven
and when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no.
pixie lott - nothing compares
They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but I can't be without you any longer.
Everytime I let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.
mayday parade - miserable at best
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best.
You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living,
Is just taking breaths to stay.
i really could go on and on and on with this. but i doubt you've even read to here. and i know you haven't read any of it, you dont care.
and im sorry that i sound so depressed. im not really, im strong [:
maybe i'm just being ridiculous because of that and maybe when that is gone it will go back because i wont be in such a shitty mood as i am now, and was yesterday.
the worst part of it all is that knowing if i did tell you everything, and not keep stuff inside you'd probably just say 'ollolol'. and even worse than that you wouldn't care anyway. i've become so good at holding my emotions in over the years, that sometimes even when i try and let them out they won't come. and that in itself saddens me.
yesterday wasnt my day. skipping out emotion wide stuff here, new look was too crowded for me to shop, the only top i found i liked was only there in size 16 and 18, there were no bread/pretzel/leons samples AT ALL, it rained so we couldn't go outside, i waited for two buses home and both didn't come so i froze while out there and was shivering until i fell asleep (but maybe this wasn't all about the cold), and to top it all off my fringe looked bad all day. fml. seriously.
although, i did get everything i wanted. photo albums, rechargeable batteries, a folio, a keyboard, and some cd's. a taylor swift one, which i have all the songs off of, but her songs always related to my life, especially right then. and its nice to have the lyrics and her thank you's in front of me. and a nickelback one, which i bought purely because i've wanted that album a while.
and then i've got english coursework, that, and the fact i really don't feel like getting dressed and therefore cant look in the mirror to deal with. woohoo.
bonnie was right, its funny how some songs can completely relate to how you feel.
tell me why - taylow swift
i need you like a heartbeat
but you know you've got a mean streak
makes me run for cover when you're around
and here's to you and your temper
yes i remember what you said last night
and i know, that you see
what you're doing to me
tell me why?
**
i'm sick and tired of your attitude
i'm feeling like i don't know you
you tell me that you want me then cut me down
i'm sick and tired of your reasons
i've got no one to believe in
you ask me for my love then you push me around.
damien rice - cannonball
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
...
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
taylor swift - cold as you
You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you
the script - breakeven
and when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no.
pixie lott - nothing compares
They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but I can't be without you any longer.
Everytime I let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.
mayday parade - miserable at best
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best.
You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living,
Is just taking breaths to stay.
i really could go on and on and on with this. but i doubt you've even read to here. and i know you haven't read any of it, you dont care.
and im sorry that i sound so depressed. im not really, im strong [:
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
nine thirty fucking seven AM.
euuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh
i knew we should have made the meeting time 1
i couldnt sleep until like 3, idk why, been happening the last few nights. just sleeping badly :\ which is okay if you get to have a nice long sleep once you've made it to dreamland. but i had to get up at 9.30 to get to stinking bluewater at 12. should have been 1.
and i have massive bags under my eyes. oh well, at least i can use this eyebag stuff my mum got me.
mental head list of what i need to buy
- photoalbum
- rechargeable batteries
- spend the new look vouchers <3 and the other vouchers..
- keyboard.
and browse the sales ofc ;D
and now to go get a ncie hot shower, because i've got that horrid shivery feeling you get when you've woken up earlier than you should have.
x
i knew we should have made the meeting time 1
i couldnt sleep until like 3, idk why, been happening the last few nights. just sleeping badly :\ which is okay if you get to have a nice long sleep once you've made it to dreamland. but i had to get up at 9.30 to get to stinking bluewater at 12. should have been 1.
and i have massive bags under my eyes. oh well, at least i can use this eyebag stuff my mum got me.
mental head list of what i need to buy
- photoalbum
- rechargeable batteries
- spend the new look vouchers <3 and the other vouchers..
- keyboard.
and browse the sales ofc ;D
and now to go get a ncie hot shower, because i've got that horrid shivery feeling you get when you've woken up earlier than you should have.
x
Sunday, 27 December 2009
relatives, sickipedia and pants. :]
well, the last few days i've done nothing. but i'm grateful for my laptop. if i didnt have it, i probably would have gone insane.
tomorrow i have to go and see my relatives (yawn) which means a lot of 'how are you' 'hows school'. im good + its good. what else am i supposed to say exactly?! however the food is always good so thats an advantage, and hopefully one of thems bought me a keyboard.., i really need it. my 'h' key is still gone, and my 'fn' key is also coming off. for some reason when glen came here a while ago and found this very entertaining, pretending his finger was in battle in a cod style fight or something, as the key flips up like a barrier. and they say im immature :L what does an fn key do anyway?! i do not know, maybe i'll google it..
sickipedia is love <3 so funny, i love you sam for showing it to me. i think my sister showed it to me years ago, but not i actually understand the jokes ;D
bluewater tuesday, need to get rechargeable batteries + a photoalbum. and i need to get as many pictures as possible to develop, more i do the cheaper it gets :D but im getting impatient because i want to start working sticking them all in. hopefully i can get a photoalbum in the sales, fingers crossed. (YN)
dad ordered a new washing machine, it should be here tuesday thank god. only a fridge to go.. my house is falling apart :L but my laundry basket is full, but luckily for me all my washing was done just before it stopped working ;D so i've still got plenty of clothes, most of my tops/pants/socks/trousers etc are clean, good for me!
i started my book. it entertains me in a strange im writing complete bollocks way. its probably not as 'interesting' to look at as glens, but hey, i dont swear as much. :P
so rosie got a new phone + called me today. id hate to live where she lives, no signal. in a strange trashy way i do love my house {:
so i think im done :P bye dudes. x
tomorrow i have to go and see my relatives (yawn) which means a lot of 'how are you' 'hows school'. im good + its good. what else am i supposed to say exactly?! however the food is always good so thats an advantage, and hopefully one of thems bought me a keyboard.., i really need it. my 'h' key is still gone, and my 'fn' key is also coming off. for some reason when glen came here a while ago and found this very entertaining, pretending his finger was in battle in a cod style fight or something, as the key flips up like a barrier. and they say im immature :L what does an fn key do anyway?! i do not know, maybe i'll google it..
sickipedia is love <3 so funny, i love you sam for showing it to me. i think my sister showed it to me years ago, but not i actually understand the jokes ;D
bluewater tuesday, need to get rechargeable batteries + a photoalbum. and i need to get as many pictures as possible to develop, more i do the cheaper it gets :D but im getting impatient because i want to start working sticking them all in. hopefully i can get a photoalbum in the sales, fingers crossed. (YN)
dad ordered a new washing machine, it should be here tuesday thank god. only a fridge to go.. my house is falling apart :L but my laundry basket is full, but luckily for me all my washing was done just before it stopped working ;D so i've still got plenty of clothes, most of my tops/pants/socks/trousers etc are clean, good for me!
i started my book. it entertains me in a strange im writing complete bollocks way. its probably not as 'interesting' to look at as glens, but hey, i dont swear as much. :P
so rosie got a new phone + called me today. id hate to live where she lives, no signal. in a strange trashy way i do love my house {:
so i think im done :P bye dudes. x
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