if life's a game i'm losing

i think im pretty much losing faith in all the things i thought i wouldnt lose faith in. so much is going on around me, and now my life is starting to plummet towards the cold ground too.

somethings you don't want to know. but at the same time you're glad you know them, because it least you know the truth. which is probably one of the least told things these days.

in my school there is a game that is actually not blocked on the computers so i play it a lot :P and today it made me realise something. the aim of the game is to keep climbing the blocks without being crushed or have the acid or whatever that red liquid is catch up with you. its a strangely good metaphor for life.
let me explain what i mean.
i am the little white rectangle that is climbing, climbing, climbing as high as possible. it dodges all the massive blocks coming down towards it and even the little ones, which still make the difference. and then, eventually, you get crushed. after dodging so much, one thing crushes you. to nothing. and if you're lucky and you dodge them all then eventually the acid will get you, no matter how long it takes.

it makes perfect sense to me.

i wish life was simple, people couldnt lie, and i'd kill to read peoples minds for a day to find out what they really think.

i know things will sort themselves out, but with the people in this world existing, and acting the way they do, eventually one of those big blocks will crush me.

i miss the simple life

eurgh, poofaces.
i figure out exactly what im going to say to you, and then you just stop me. why does everything ruin everything. its so hard to balance everything nowadays.

oh right, you dont know, now theres a surprise.

life used to be simple, i miss that.
and i miss owain. its been too long since ive seen him.

today i'm not really sure what's truth

i hate saying something that you didnt mean to sound the way it did. especially over the internet, because people can't hear how you're saying it.

and then there are all these different consequences, because every reaction has an equal and opposite reaction. and now i'm so confused, theres scraps of information coming at me from all directions and i don't even know what's going on here anymore, except everyone agrees that you are a dick. lies are based around truth, truth is based around lies. i know what you are telling me is truth, but i don't know how much. because people lie without meaning to.

and the most annoying thing is when somethings good, then without you even realising it all falls apart around you. like you've had your eyes closed, but purely because you weren't actually there for something that involved you greatly.

confused much? i know i am ;D

im bored.

Ten Things i wish i could say to ten different people (but don't say their name):
1) it's gonna be okay.
2) talk to me first please ;D
3) im sorry.
4) i don't like you, piss off. :L
5) you're a dick, stop saying all this arseholey stuff.
6) you're amazing, thankyou.
7) don't ignore me.
8) i miss you.
9) i know you're lying.
10) don't you get when i'm ignoring you ffs? i know you don't have any friends or anything but when someone hasn't spoken to you for 2 months at all then you should get the message that repeatedly saying 'hi u ok' to me ISN'T going to make me want to talk to you. you're a creep, leave me alone.

Nine things about myself:
1) im loud, bossy and stubborn.
2) i know quite a lot of people, and always randomly see people i know when i'm out
3) im not very smart, but im pretty sick of people telling me this
4) i only have one slipper on atm because i can't seem to find the other one
5) the only subject at school i like all the time is art
6) but my personal sketchpad is full of random doodlings
7) forever am i looking for 'numero 11'
8) my cats name is fred. i love him lots.
9) i make a lot of mistakes. a lot.

Eight ways to win my heart:
1) make me laugh.
2) care.
3) hugs. a lot of hugs.
4) talk.
5) sentimental stuff, i like all that {:
6) don't be clingy or plan my life for me, or i will just feel really trapped.
7) be my friend too.
8) don't tell me i can do better, that pisses me off. its my decision whether i want better.

Seven things that cross my mind alot:
1) eurgh, fuck off i dont actually like you!
2) oh crap, i actually just said that..
3) i'm wrong. proved stupid again.
4) im hungry, foodfoodfood<3
5) wtf was that?!
6) talk to me first because otherwise i dont know what to say :/
7) oh just shut up fgs!



Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1) shut my computer down
2) turn my tv off at the mains
3) read a little bit of whatever book im reading atm
4) plump the pillows ;D
5) think about stuff thats happened/happening/going to happen
6) er, pull the duvet over me?



Five people who mean alot to me:
1) rosie
2) katherine
3) katarina
4) samm
5) glen


Two things you want to do before you die:
1) see the world
2) live.


One confession:
i just peed my pants.