alright its a jammie dodger but i was told there'd be tea!

so its official. thats quite ironic actually, i pictured it yes, but it's still ironic for me. my wife is going out with my ex. see? pretty ironic from where i'm standing.
tbh i don't care, just the fact that you won't be honest is what annoys me. would have been nice to hear it from the right person tbh. still my friend, you're welcome to him. don't say i didnt warn you. who knows, maybe you'll last, but don't come crying to me when he's him. good luck to you tbh, hope it works out for you because you deserve that. it's possibly he may have changed, i did know him but not now. well i thought i did, but know i don't now. hohum, things change. and when all is said and done, i've still got jeremy clarkson! waheyeheyhey;D

on another subject, i got back from norfolk and up there i had my first nando's. i failed on the subway count, even though i said i would, AND take a picture, i didnt find the subway until too late :( oh well, nando's was good ;D
i also ate bamboo. t'was chewy. AND MY FORTURE COOKIE WAS EMPTY. i'm quite worried about this, i mean; if even my forture cookies empty then what's going on with my life? does this mean i should start looking for meaning and fulfilment or just give up? hmm. oh well, the cookie tasted good anyway. heheheheheehehe.
AND I HAD MY FIRST NICKERBOCKERGLORY. that i remember. and i finished it all ;) i was proud, it was yummy, my family were surprised. well thats a lie, they knew id eat it all. ahaha.

i also got new sunglasses :D i miss my bumblebees & heart ones :( they were the best ever, because no-one else had them. :'( im such an idiot to lose them. but im hoping not too many people will have these. they are from h+m so are bound to not be unique and stuff, but you win some you lose some. i tried to get some that werent too samey, and sam said they looked good:D and i couldnt find an ugly red skirt. i mean jeesh, shops make so many ugly things when i actually need one theres NOTHING? fml. well there was one. but it was size 6. and i dont think i could get that small even if i stopped eating and stuff. and i dont wanna stop eating anyway, bwecause GOD I LOVE FOOD.

i have decided to give up fizzy drinks (unless i'm out). im very unhealthy, and i believe this is a step in the right direction.

DOCTOR WHO:D
<3
yes alright it's a jammie dodger but i was told there would be tea! god love that show.

i have lost about 3 years worth of pictures and music. my harddrive broke /:my dads going to get me another one sometime this week, but its not really about the harddrive. more what was on it. no-one else had some of them pictures, and ALL MY STOCKS AND TEXTURES. thats so many hours worth of collecting, cropping, magic wanding, searching.

i've done 2/3 of my essay, but frankly i cbb. i think whati've done is okay, and ima do it spread over the next 4 days. i'l be happy with whatever i get so long as it is c and above. hopefully a b. thats what i normally get in english {: plus mr crosdale is a pooface; 3 mymaths homeworks all on stuff we haven't done? sheesh, n00b. school tomorrow, ifi wake up. AND NO ROSIE. monday is rosie day! :'( and shes not gonna be here. damned volcano /:

time away did good, or bad depending on how i look at it. i still don't know if i should have done what i did, or whether i should have acted on what i did do. but im thinking its gonna be fine.

i don't judge you, but tbh you need to sort yourself out. its not your fault granted, but still. mmmmmmmm.

out.

kick in the balls

well thats stupid. i can see pretty clearly thats not love, and saying it isnt going to make it so. i think you're stupid. what a stupid thing to say. you just dont want to because you're afraid of reactions, yes reactions and consequences. if you loved that much, it wouldnt matter. lies dont make anything better in the long run. and you're just going to be an arsehole again. its not deserved, so stop it. respect the fragileness. its viewable. all the x's in the world aren't going to make you last, it'll just go the same way. people realise in the end, it just takes a while. i have pity tbh. and empathy. i'l kill you. seriously. i dont know how you do it, but somehow you do. you dont deserve all the stuff you get. but you get it anyway. god works in mysterious ways i guess. so do the stars.

on the brighter side i had a good day today :D chatroulette was actually so funny :') except the willies. people can be sickos. :L

on a final note i've made a new pledge, i made this blog so i could rant about stuff and throw out my emotions, and thats not going to work if i rant and throw, then people ask me about it and i have to explain them. that defeats the whole object. so if people ask me im not going to explain, im keeping mystery. not because i like secrets, but because how can i rant and throw freely and utterly if i have to tell people who or what im ranting about? bear in mind. thanks dudes :D

decoy

i wish there was just a button in life that you could press and everything would just stop.
sometimes everything thats going on doesnt feel like it actually is, like there is is somebody else who all these problems belong to, and that if i think about something else all the problems will be gone when my mind wanders back. i wish it were so. why cant i be sorted, why is my brain such a snob to please. goddamn this world, let me sort out ? im fussy, and stubborn, and get easily locked on, and forgetting is hard.

why am i so mean? lets dig deeper and deeper then the hole is so big i have to cut in steps to climb out, cutting in the edges.

so many questions, i do not know any of the answers any more. i wish it were like maths, one definite answer, then if theres a remainder just make it a decimal point then everything is one big happy number.

although i did have a rather good day today {: i can never be unhappy when subway is around! haha.

im really looking forward to going to owains tomorrow, can just forget about all the things that are frazzling my poor little brain right now. then next weekend is katarinas birthday ^_^ which im really looking forward to, should be amazing.

today i'm not really sure what's truth

i hate saying something that you didnt mean to sound the way it did. especially over the internet, because people can't hear how you're saying it.

and then there are all these different consequences, because every reaction has an equal and opposite reaction. and now i'm so confused, theres scraps of information coming at me from all directions and i don't even know what's going on here anymore, except everyone agrees that you are a dick. lies are based around truth, truth is based around lies. i know what you are telling me is truth, but i don't know how much. because people lie without meaning to.

and the most annoying thing is when somethings good, then without you even realising it all falls apart around you. like you've had your eyes closed, but purely because you weren't actually there for something that involved you greatly.

confused much? i know i am ;D

im bored.

Ten Things i wish i could say to ten different people (but don't say their name):
1) it's gonna be okay.
2) talk to me first please ;D
3) im sorry.
4) i don't like you, piss off. :L
5) you're a dick, stop saying all this arseholey stuff.
6) you're amazing, thankyou.
7) don't ignore me.
8) i miss you.
9) i know you're lying.
10) don't you get when i'm ignoring you ffs? i know you don't have any friends or anything but when someone hasn't spoken to you for 2 months at all then you should get the message that repeatedly saying 'hi u ok' to me ISN'T going to make me want to talk to you. you're a creep, leave me alone.

Nine things about myself:
1) im loud, bossy and stubborn.
2) i know quite a lot of people, and always randomly see people i know when i'm out
3) im not very smart, but im pretty sick of people telling me this
4) i only have one slipper on atm because i can't seem to find the other one
5) the only subject at school i like all the time is art
6) but my personal sketchpad is full of random doodlings
7) forever am i looking for 'numero 11'
8) my cats name is fred. i love him lots.
9) i make a lot of mistakes. a lot.

Eight ways to win my heart:
1) make me laugh.
2) care.
3) hugs. a lot of hugs.
4) talk.
5) sentimental stuff, i like all that {:
6) don't be clingy or plan my life for me, or i will just feel really trapped.
7) be my friend too.
8) don't tell me i can do better, that pisses me off. its my decision whether i want better.

Seven things that cross my mind alot:
1) eurgh, fuck off i dont actually like you!
2) oh crap, i actually just said that..
3) i'm wrong. proved stupid again.
4) im hungry, foodfoodfood<3
5) wtf was that?!
6) talk to me first because otherwise i dont know what to say :/
7) oh just shut up fgs!



Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1) shut my computer down
2) turn my tv off at the mains
3) read a little bit of whatever book im reading atm
4) plump the pillows ;D
5) think about stuff thats happened/happening/going to happen
6) er, pull the duvet over me?



Five people who mean alot to me:
1) rosie
2) katherine
3) katarina
4) samm
5) glen


Two things you want to do before you die:
1) see the world
2) live.


One confession:
i just peed my pants.

gonna be a long long way to happy

i've learnt what comes up must come down.
nothing lasts.
and i take too much for granted.
you don't know what you've got until its gone.

"i love you" ..yeahright.

i really hate when the words "i love you" are being chucked around like nothing. i always see 'couples' go out for a day, and be all "i love you so much bla bla" and they always break up like a week later. wow, obviously you really loved that person.
not only does it make you a liar, but it makes you just plain annoying. you should mean it when you say it, you shouldn't just say it because its 'natural' to say it when you're in a relationship. because its not. wait until you actually mean it, then when you say it you will actually FEEL something. if you loved someone, you'd actually be a little bit upset when you finished you know? i mean, if one of your friends you say 'love you' to died right now, you'd be sad right? see, if you love someone then you actually need the person, and would feel something when you broke up.

so my main point, don't say 'i love you' for no reason when you don't. if you love the person, fine. if they mean little to you, just don't say it until you mean it!
it bugs me.