recently i've learned what the saying 'there's a thin line between love and hate' means. a lot. i always said to myself i wouldn't let anyone treat me like shit. but i still do. i know i'm nothing special and there are so many people out there better than me but why make it worse? i don't think you even care anymore. about me anyway. you taught me one thing at least. the best way to never be disappointed is to never expect anything. and i don't.
maybe i'm just being ridiculous because of that and maybe when that is gone it will go back because i wont be in such a shitty mood as i am now, and was yesterday.
the worst part of it all is that knowing if i did tell you everything, and not keep stuff inside you'd probably just say 'ollolol'. and even worse than that you wouldn't care anyway. i've become so good at holding my emotions in over the years, that sometimes even when i try and let them out they won't come. and that in itself saddens me.
yesterday wasnt my day. skipping out emotion wide stuff here, new look was too crowded for me to shop, the only top i found i liked was only there in size 16 and 18, there were no bread/pretzel/leons samples AT ALL, it rained so we couldn't go outside, i waited for two buses home and both didn't come so i froze while out there and was shivering until i fell asleep (but maybe this wasn't all about the cold), and to top it all off my fringe looked bad all day. fml. seriously.
although, i did get everything i wanted. photo albums, rechargeable batteries, a folio, a keyboard, and some cd's. a taylor swift one, which i have all the songs off of, but her songs always related to my life, especially right then. and its nice to have the lyrics and her thank you's in front of me. and a nickelback one, which i bought purely because i've wanted that album a while.
and then i've got english coursework, that, and the fact i really don't feel like getting dressed and therefore cant look in the mirror to deal with. woohoo.
bonnie was right, its funny how some songs can completely relate to how you feel.
tell me why - taylow swift
i need you like a heartbeat
but you know you've got a mean streak
makes me run for cover when you're around
and here's to you and your temper
yes i remember what you said last night
and i know, that you see
what you're doing to me
tell me why?
**
i'm sick and tired of your attitude
i'm feeling like i don't know you
you tell me that you want me then cut me down
i'm sick and tired of your reasons
i've got no one to believe in
you ask me for my love then you push me around.
damien rice - cannonball
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
...
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
taylor swift - cold as you
You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you
the script - breakeven
and when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no.
pixie lott - nothing compares
They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but I can't be without you any longer.
Everytime I let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.
mayday parade - miserable at best
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best.
You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living,
Is just taking breaths to stay.
i really could go on and on and on with this. but i doubt you've even read to here. and i know you haven't read any of it, you dont care.
and im sorry that i sound so depressed. im not really, im strong [:
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