currants

had a rather good day {:
went to the bus stop at the wrong time (well done zoe, really), cos i lokoed at the 489 page by accident, :P so got the 489 to gravesend then it was raining and the route planner thingy wouldnt work because of the stupid rain. and then my umbrella broke, :( but finally we got on the sort of right bus (wrong because we shouldnt have had to get it in the first place, right cos it actually got us where we were wanting to go). then got off at 'dovedale' WHICH WAS RIGHT. and saw owain, and had to concentrate really hard whilst walking because otherwise my texting would have gone weird, dear oh dear.
spent the day revising, playing sonic, getting tickled and sat on and talking. and eating pizza, the pizza had this garlic and herb dip thing for the crusts, which had a nice aftertaste. the pizza was yummy. but kathi kept trying to steal the wedges, which got the 'i hate the way girls try and steal your food' rant out of owain. BUT id never go on a date and order a garden salad. i mean how boring. maybe im just a fatty, haha. also did a spot of revising. which went okay, in a kept getting sidetracked kinda way.. my mind is now full of penis and hats and jak peters drink patterns instead of science. oh dear. i didnt know jak+jess were gonna be there but it was good, jak makes me laugh because of his dumbness :') 'you cu[rra]nt.' :L and after a while i was so used to the smell of fagsmoke i could hardly smell it , not sure whether thats a good or bad thing.. hmm.. but when i got home i believe i smelt horribly of it, every so often id get a wave of the smell, and be like, woa is that me?!
haha :')

decoy

i wish there was just a button in life that you could press and everything would just stop.
sometimes everything thats going on doesnt feel like it actually is, like there is is somebody else who all these problems belong to, and that if i think about something else all the problems will be gone when my mind wanders back. i wish it were so. why cant i be sorted, why is my brain such a snob to please. goddamn this world, let me sort out ? im fussy, and stubborn, and get easily locked on, and forgetting is hard.

why am i so mean? lets dig deeper and deeper then the hole is so big i have to cut in steps to climb out, cutting in the edges.

so many questions, i do not know any of the answers any more. i wish it were like maths, one definite answer, then if theres a remainder just make it a decimal point then everything is one big happy number.

although i did have a rather good day today {: i can never be unhappy when subway is around! haha.

im really looking forward to going to owains tomorrow, can just forget about all the things that are frazzling my poor little brain right now. then next weekend is katarinas birthday ^_^ which im really looking forward to, should be amazing.

actually thank god its friday. im so tired i might get into bed and have a little nap! :')

i got a bitta beatles jamming in the background, yesyes! my side also has an itch, so im going to scrath that.

now thats all nice and scratched i am going to town tomorrow, eating subway bei ;D nomnomnom, then owains sunday, again, nomnomnom. i have NO homework this weekend, but im still gonna cram in some science revision, cos i dont wanna fail. then again, who does?

shes gotta a ticket to ri-hi-ide, but she dont care :D

mmmm, gotta love it.

im off for a bitta 8 out of 10 cats on 4od then some naptime. :') oh i feel like a little kid! xD
x

right

i cant shake off the feeling that im doing this to make everyone else happy.

i miss the butterflies the most. they've left. feels wrong without them.
life isnt fair, thats for sure.
hmmm
aimee divorced me! i actually cant believe her, bitch! :'(

thats about it? :P

a blog of random thoughts that came to me

today is tuesday, which means i should have gone to walktall, but they are on tour so i could not :( which is crappy. tomorrow however is wednesday which means i have art, which is funfunfun! rosie is ill though, she better be in tomorrow or for reasons i discussed with her i may find myself pouncing on a pidgeon and raping it. muauahaha!
i still have maths homework to do, but i ended up giving both english courseworks in because i couldnt decide (N) damn.

i had these chinese chicken ribs for dinner, they were really yummy! but not im hungry again, i think the craving is for country crisp. or yoghurt. im not sure yet..
what i thinki might do is go down and make tomorrows lunch + pack my schoolbag, then grab myself a bowl of country crisp AND a yoghurt (thats right, im feling greedy ;D) then come back up here and find me something on iplayer, or 40d, on itv player. so much choice! im really into the take me out's atm, they are funny :P i feel sorry for that rian girl tho (N) shes there 8 weeks and doesnt get chosen once! aww.
my maths homework is still not done but i will do it. i had double maths today and we were doing multiplying and stuff, usually i get this. easy peasy, i can do all that in my head. but today it was all gone. i wanted to cry it was so frustrating. it was like over this half term all my knowledge that was making people think i had a 'talent for maths' had just run out of my brain. it was horrible. hopefully it was just because i was tired etc, hopefully it will come back to me soon because i hate the feeling of feeling stupid. especially when in know its there, its just not working properly. yuckyuckyuck.
its funny how when stuff happens people come flooding back into your life. like they see the opening because im open and just creep in and act like theres been no gap in the speaking. just cos i got messed about doesnt mean that i ant to talk to you more than i did before. i dont mean go away, ts nice. just there is a thin line between chatting and being annoying..
ive also gained quite a few people recently which i never thought would happen. people i like talking to. they are cool (H)

i am wearing new pajamas. they have frogs on. but recently i spoke to kathi and apparently she has never slept naked. although sleeping naked is cotch, it is far too cold for that atm, wait for summer. HURRY UP SUMMER. im getting bored of having to wear loadsa layers :( and im also supposed to be going camping with some peoples this weekend, which i was looking forward to; its going to rain. why spoil my life god? why?! it would have been so fun :[

anyway, i must skedaddle because i need to sort my stuff for toorrow and make lunch etc, its 9.27 which means ive got about an hour until i need to sleep, possibly less. if i work carefully, this enough for sorting, packing, then eating whilst watching take me out, or maybe something else. :D
LATERS GUYS

matts house + broadditch + being muggle.

i have a headache. and mher, that.

i feel hungover but i havent even drunk anything :[ so i think its an early night tonight, hoping it will sleep off.

today was very good though, went to matts, then walked through a load of fields to a duckpond, then went and got chips and tapwater. mm, tapwater, yum. then fed ducks {:

then walking back to matts, his house is amaze! so nice (L) we watched inbetweeners and i got amazed by the ice machine in his fridge. it wasnt that amazing, but id never used one before :L frank was the same though, kept asking
'anyone want an ice cube?' and millie, the cutest dog i've pretty much ever seen. aww.

i haven't played hide and seek in about 5 years? but we played it today. i hid the best in one game. me and frank hid together, but me sort of further behind him so they couldnt see me? then they found frank, who led them away from where i/we were. because rosie+frank knew what was going on + where i was, but we kept moving me around so matt was like; 'where is she?!' :') couldnt stop laughing.

had a rather good day.
but my headache now.
:'(
i wanna go to the harry potter theme park.
if only i werent a stupid muggle.
oh well.
x

i likey likey likey

i found this on another blog. i liked it. i wanted it somewhere i could find easily.

Though years have passed,
I love you still.
The sun, the moon,
the universe, was ours.
Yet all that remains
is a blanket of stars
shaped like an arrow
through my soul.

help?!

here is the situation. these are my gothic courseworks. i didnt like the first one much when i reread it, so i wrote another one. now i cannot chose. good readers of this blog, tell me which one you prefer. if you can be bothered to read all this. aha.

I have been walking just about three minutes now, and already I am completely bored. The beach is desolate and grim, the dog my mum still hadn’t decided on a name for wasn’t looking entertained anyway, but most of all it was beginning to rain. It bothers me the dog has no name; everything should have a name. I used to love the way my mum was ditzy, it made me feel powerful, but it plainly just annoyed me now. Nothing had been done since we had moved to the ‘beautiful’ area I was stuck in now. We had been living there almost a month now, and there were still about a hundred boxes dotted all over the house. She was at home all day, surely unpacking one or two couldn’t hurt? But she just sat and watched TV these days.
Then again, I must say she was better than my ‘dad’. She makes me call him that now they are married. Personally I despise it, he is not my dad, he is never even there to be a dad anyway. She is always in, he is always out. That is how it works now.
I hate beaches. Apparently, we are incredibly lucky to have been able to move somewhere with such an amazing asset right next to it. It is also supposed to be summer, I had even worn my favourite green dress in the hope of sunshine, but in typical English style the weather was rubbish. It annoys me the way the dog is just trundling along beside me, I mean, dogs are supposed to be happy when you take them to the beach? In all the movies they run around everywhere, jump in the sea and come out smelling of wet dog and shaking water everywhere. Alas, my dog is looking as bored as hell.
The sand is beginning to feel solid and uncomfortable beneath my feet and the instinct that comes with rain, to find shelter, flashes through me. The impulse struck me as strange, I like rain. I always stay out in it, everyone went inside and complained they were cold whilst I would walk around outside, absorbed in the splashes of water against my skin and the isolation the rain brought through. Talking of which, this beach is as empty as a crisp bag blowing down the street, well, except for myself and an old couple carrying umbrellas. I watch them hastily retreating up the steps on the far side of the beach. They look quite funny in a way, in proper summer bathing suits. running away in the heavying downpour; their umbrellas constantly turning inside out as the wind hit them in brick loads.
The sky definitely has the grey shade of an elephant now and the rain began running faster from the sky. Each droplet hits my nose and cheeks and with each one I feel the cold stab of the icy water. So when the impulse hits me again, this time I glance around for a shelter. Joy. There is none. The old couple have disappeared from sight now, and my eyes set on the moon that has broken through the clouds in the sky.
Holding my bag above my head, I begin a fast paced jog along the beach in search of something to hold out the wind, rain, and, the cold, which I suddenly am aware was creeping around me and bringing up ghost pimples on my skin. The tide washes around my feet as it moves further and further up the shore and the stab of ice cold English sea around my feet make them numb with cold. I can not remember where the dog is anymore. It could find its own way home for sure, and I am beginning to shiver as the rain seeps through my thin clothes and caressed my bare skin underneath them.
I barely notice I have come to the end of the shore until I almost ran right into the cliff face. The rain is still unbearably heavy, and I still have not found shelter. Beginning to feel desperate, I run up the beach parallel to the cliff face until my legs enter into a small hole in the wall of the cliff. It looks extremely uninviting, and I had never actually seen a cave before, (was this even a cave?) Nevertheless, my brain tells me it does not matter, just get out; get warm and get dry. So breathing in, I pace into the pitch black of the hole in the face of the cliff. I sense something tear as I duck down to get into the cave, and then feel my dress strap drift downwards. I do not care.
The first thing that strikes me as I round the corner of the passage is the brightness. I expected pitch black, at best glimmers of light, but I can see easily all around me.
I slow my pace so my feet are barely shuffling, and take in my surroundings. If this is a cave, it is ifascinating to look at.
A faint echo of thunder claps behind me, but my ears barely feel it. The cave has me totally engrossed, every tiny detail of it. Everything about it is entrancing, the faint glow emanating from nowhere in particular, the stalactites hanging as bats from the ceiling, the miniscule cracks that dot everywhere like raindrops, even the rough feel of my palms as they brace lightly against the wall.
My feet begin to continue walking at a normal pace again. I like the way every step I take gives an echo that bounces forward and backwards around the cave like footballs, bounce, bounce, bounce. And then there is the constant dropping from the stalactites as the torrents of rain from outside slowly begin merging downwards to meet me again. So many sounds to this silence.
And then, all of a sudden, it is silent. Completely silent. The dripping has stopped. My feet are not echoing. Sounds of nothing swirl around me, covering my rooted body in an invisible mist of nothing. the cave was no longer beautiful. I no longer find the silence reassuring. But the fact that I turn around and see nothing familiar whichever way I look is the one thing that crushes my brain the most.
And it is at this moment I miss everything. Even the things I hate. What I would give to be back with my stupid boring dog, my ditzy annoying mother and my stupid workaholic ’dad’. I am wishing so hard, for a moment I find myself back at home, surrounded by boxes and the smell of paint. Then my eyes flicker back open and I am back in this cave, lost in a wilderness of an unknown, isolated nightmare.
I find myself walking forwards again, but shakily this time. The cave is still terrifying as before, and I still have no sense of where to go. So I walk to nowhere in particular. After all, being more lost than I am right now is pretty impossible. Up ahead of me is a brightness that seems different to the glows that radiate of every other surface of the cave. This glow feels inviting, almost eerie in the way it so badly attracts me towards it. My feet walk towards it, speeding up the whole time, but it feels so completely right I keep them going.
A few meters away from the light I find my feet slowing down to an average walk. The cave all around me is brighter, thanks to this new found unknown source of light. It looks almost as beautiful as before, the walls that surround me are the kind of grey you find on a school skirt, and as I breath in the air, I feel the cool refreshing smell of moss. It relaxes my heartbeat to; I almost feel calm again.
The few last steps towards the light are the slowest I believe I have ever taken. As I walk into it I find myself in a mist of fog. A fog the colour of snow; not the grey mouldy type you find in backstreets, but the white of fresh untouched snow. It smells of bleach and something else I ca not place, something tangy and familiar.
Walking further into the mist I find myself feeling a bit light headed, as if I was nauseas, though I feel completely fine. I feel completely happy, completely relaxed, completely normal. The mist swirls and flows around me, a whirlpool. Somewhere further into this fog of snow, I begin to see the outline of something. It sticks up out of the floor with the power and edge of a lion, it does nothing yet you are totally in awe of it. Walking towards it, my head feels lighter, my pace becomes faster and the mist dances quicker.
It is, as one thing like a giant stone plate. It sticks out the floor getting wider and wider until it has formed a bowl, a huge bowl, about two meters in diameter. Completely made of stone, pumice I think. It feels rough under my fingers, and files some of my skin off as I run my fingers along it. Around the edges it is chipped quite a few times, some look like they had been cut out by a dagger or a knife, and some look like teeth marks. This probably should scare me, something having teeth strong enough to mark stone, but it clicked in my mind that mist had probably made me a bit inebriated, so the thought means nothing to me. I am still utterly content in this cave, this beautiful cave. My eyes run further along and around the bowl.
They focus around the centre, where I notice a set of drawings, long, forgotten and aged. How strange, the feeling I am the first here in centuries. Finding myself examining the drawings more closely, they show a story. The first one shows a girl, a girl with long brunette hair. Her clothes are shabby and cut but faintly show the traces of an emerald green dress with pale skin underneath. She wears ripped up shoes that are barely on anymore. Next to her is a small dog with long floppy ears and short beige fur. A little sausage dog. The dog had a little black spot on its side, just like mine. That brought up something in my brain, I had completely forgotten about my dog. I hope desperately he has got home, or was safe, or just something positive. Dodging the thought he might not be in my eye, I turn my eyes to the second drawing.
There is lots of rain, streaming down in torrents, and the girl in the green dress and torn up shoes was running in it. She holds a beige bag over her head, and her brown hair has gone coal black from the rain. There is a sunshine yellow lightning bolt stuck behind her. On her face she wears a slightly annoyed, slightly distressed expression.
Wandering my eyes to the next one, I see a cave. The entrance is dark and black, and the girl looks relieved. Her hair is sticking up, and one of the straps of her dress is torn and dangles down. My eyes glimpse down towards my dress strap, the ripped one. The ripped green strap of my dress.
Slightly exasperated and hoping it is nothing, I move my eyes to the fourth drawing. The background is completely black except for a white, messily drawn scribbles along the bottom. Faintly in them you could see a patch of green, a trace of brown, and a flash of red.
The fifth drawing shows just the girl in the green dress standing in front of a bowl, the exact same shape of the one I am looking into now. The view was taken from the back of the girl, all you see is her hair; you do not witness her face. My mind is jumping everywhere at this point, this girl is wearing what I am and has the same story as I have. Before I turn to the sixth and last drawing I turn around. Just to make sure. There is no-one, just the white mist. The smell of moss still flares around inside my nostrils, and I turn my eyes slowly and cautiously to the sixth, and last drawing.
You can see the top of the girls’ head, but the main focus of the drawing is the centre of the stone bowl. I blink slowly, then move my head of to the centre of the stone bowl.
My mind goes frantic and I have no idea what to do. In the centre of a bowl is, that. Clean, fresh shiny silver. And all of a sudden I know what the tangy familiar but unknown smell and the flash of red were.
I run. There was nothing else to do. Every sense of direction is lost to me. Up, down, left, right, gone. Run. Faster. Faster. Keep going. Run. Don‘t stop now. It felt like planes had been stuck to my feet. They were non-stop moving. Running. Faster. Keep going. Keep running. Forever.
Stop.
------------------------------------------
and number two!
I had never really thought about how I would die, or where and when. Until now there had been no reason for me to consider the concept of the one inevitable thing in life, death. We spend the whole of our lives wishing for more, yet when we face losing what we do have, we fight so hard to keep it.
Terrified as I am, I can not bring myself to regret everything. Being here, now I can not repent. I look up slowly towards my death and embrace its cold heartless touch.
* * *
My mothers front door is locked. This means one of two things; she is in her photography studio taking refuge in the creativity and solitude, or there is something wrong. My mother rarely locks her door, she sees little point in trying to keep people out. As a child I had never questioned this, it was just normality. I fumble in my pocket for my key and groan as I hear them jangle on the bitter slabs beneath me. In the dense blackness I can not see where they have fallen; I crouch down to pick them up. All I need is a small glimmer of light but there is none. No doors are open, no lights in windows open, nobody with a torch - it is far too early. Out of the corner of my straining eyes I see a shadow pass over the house, then another, then another. Turning around to see what is producing them; I see nothing. Just continuous darkness. What was there is either gone, or was never there in the first place. Is my mind playing tricks on me? The feeling I am being watched will not leave my side, and the heavy night seems to tighten around my frozen body. Slowly I go back to hunting for my keys. Suddenly the door in front me looks so much taller and more daunting. Staggering backwards to try and get away from my home, I hear the jangling of my keys beneath my lumbering feet. Like a flash, I stoop down to grab them then straight back up to standing. It feels silly, but everything feels scarier at night. I repeatedly tell myself this as with shivering hands I attempt to unlock the door. It swings open, and I am hit in the face with the deafening silence of the hallway. Suddenly I realise how long it has been since I have visited this house, the walls have been repainted to an icy blue, the carpet is gone, replaced with a smooth polished linoleum. It no longer feels like my home. The hallway light is not on, but fading light emanates from the kitchen. It looks gloomy, and feels empty. Stepping inside I feel no homely warmth, the air is heavy with tension. The walls are still covered with photos of me as a child, growing up, her and my father, but still numerous amounts of her photography grace the walls. I find myself smiling at a photo of myself about five years old, standing proud in my bright red school uniform on my first day. Leaving the photo, I walk briskly forwards and feel a wave of nausea as a shiver sprints down my spine.
‘Mum?’ no reply. The atmosphere shifts slightly, even colder now. I pace hastily forwards toward the back of the house, toward the kitchen. I stop as I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I open the text from my mother; ‘Hurry.’ Still no explanation. Still no reasoning as to why she has called my down here at no notice. Shoving the phone back in my pocket, I turn the corner and see my mother lying dead on the kitchen floor.
I freeze. I open my mouth but do not scream. I feel my bag drop out of my hands then I hear the thud as it hits the floor. The world around me goes thick with the sound of my own blood pounding in my throat. I take two staggering steps toward her. Her throat is savaged, her tongue lulls and the kitchen air holds the unmistakable stench of death. There is a silver gleam of wire wrapped around her blood spattered neck.
An empty kitchen-table chair stands next to her, as if she may have been sitting on it before she died. A low moan escapes from my dry throat, and I crash down next to my mothers body. Brushing a tangle of her greying hair away from my face, her eyes are revealed. They are wide and swollen, unseeing. I brush my hand on her pale cheek, her skin is still warm.
I stand back up. A wave of dizziness buckles my shaky legs. The police. I have to call the police. I stagger around her body to the kitchen counter, where her breakfast still sits; a half full coffee cup and the leftover crumbs of her toast. I reach past this toward the slender white phone, my hands shaking violently. I punch in the three best known numbers and hold the phone to my ear.
Metal hammers brutally into the back of my head. The phone slides out my hand and crashes onto the stone floor, and I drop down with it. My teeth bite into my tongue and I taste the tang of blood. I shut my heavy eyelids and crumple into the darkness.
I feel a gun press coolly against the back of my head. The perfect circle of its barrel pushes on my scalp. I rope is looped around my neck and I feel the burn as it is tightens. Jerking away from it, I feel the gun crack against my temple, and a strong male voice speaks from above me.
‘Be still.’ immediately I tense my body and try to sit up. I feel a powerful arm push me back down.
‘Or you’re dead.’ They pick up my bag from the edge of the kitchen, a robbery. I stop myself saying anything just in time, and hear the rustle of them rummaging around in my bag; my computer, my camera, my laptop. I hear the sound of my laptop turning on, louder than my own ragged breathing. Then a few long seconds of silence, fingers tapping on a keyboard. I want to ask what they want, what they are doing here, with me, why they killed my mother, but I can not. Fear of what the consequences of this action stop me.
The gun pushes me further forward so I am almost touching my mothers dead jaw. I can smell her blood fiercely burning my nostrils. I want to turn round and see my captivators faces, but this is an impossibility. The noose around my neck tightens around my neck, pulling savagely into my throat, and I feel my pulse pushing against it.
Behind me I hear them whispering, and I strain my ears to try and hear. As if I am being punished for ear wigging, the rope tightens again, and I writhe around trying to grasp some oxygen. There is none.
‘You took breathing for granted, didn’t you now sunshine?’ This mans voice is new, different to the previous ones. It crosses my mind when they could have switched places without my noticing. He loosens the rope just enough for me to breathe, and I gasp it in. Flooding myself in oxygen, I feel my lungs thank the cold air. Disgust at my weakness radiates from the man above me. His shadow folds over me, and I cower underneath his power. It is a cold shadow, and I let the darkness steal me in.
* * *
I wake to the sound of my phone screaming at me. Something is wrong, no-one who knows me would ever call me this early. I open my eyes to stare up to the cobweb ridden ceiling. Stained with festering rings of mould it was not a pleasant site and only made me wish I’d spent extra on the hotel. There was no questioning what could have happened in this room; murder, crime, anything. I did not want to think about it. Turning away from the ceiling I grab around until my hand finds the phone.
‘Hello?’
His mother answered; ‘Richard, I need you to come home now. No questions. Just do it.’ She spoke in a hushed whisper, her voice fast and unnerved.
I fumbled for the bedside lamp. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘I just need you here now, please.’ composed but persistent.
Why could she not tell me? Surely she did not expect me to travel all that way with no reason? ‘Mum, please, just tell me what’s going on and I’l come.’
‘I said, not over the phone Richard. Please.’ She fell silent, this was the end of it. An uncomfortable tension rose between us for around ten long seconds, until she broke it. ‘Please Richard.’
The naked neediness; a tone I have never heard from my mother, made her sound a stranger to me. I have nothing left to say. ‘Okay Mum, I’m coming.’
‘Thank you. I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ She had already hung up.
* * *
Consciousness floods back into me; I keep my eyes shut. Silence. I hear no speech, though the atmosphere is still heavy with tension and death. The rope is still around my raw neck, but loose now. Realising I am shivering violently, I open my left eye a slit. The room is empty. For a few seconds I lie there with both my eyes open now taking in everything that has happened.
Stumbling up I take in this changed room. The countertops are spattered with mine and my mothers blood. The floor is carpeted with the shards of glass of all my mothers favourite photos. I stare at the pictures behind the spider webs of smashed glass, all my mothers photography, ruined. Her life. Gone. Already the absence of her seems to have settled into the house, into the air, into my bones. One of the shiny cupboard doors is hanging on its hinges, another has fallen off completely, revealing a gaping cave of glossy bowls and plates. The cutlery draw is open and disorganized and the knife stand is missing several. Lurching forwards I fall against the wall, then stagger through the archway back into the hall.
There is a large cavernous hole punched in the cool blue walls, and many stab wounds gouged into them. Outside the sun is rising slightly, and patches of the natural light bathe the hall in ugly beams of daylight. Stepping over the torn trampled photographs, and the remains of their frames I reach the front door. One of its glass panes is smashed, another now a shattered maze of cracks. I pull it slowly open, it squeals like a famished cat. Outside it is dawn, casting the street in a mist of grey. Each house looks substantially bigger than I remembered; much more intimidating. I feel so insignificant and minute.
Standing still for many elongated seconds; I have no idea where to go. Where can you go when your mother has just been murdered and you can not tell anyone? Nowhere. This is not normal. A luxurious black business car pulls up at the end of the driveway. Somewhere in the distance, a cat screeches, and I feel time slow down. Watching the car door open I keep still. A man in an expensive suit and thinning grey hair climbs out. His shoes are polished to perfection, and even his tie looks ironed. All I can do is watch as he walks briskly towards me. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Feeling myself being grabbed from behind, I do not fight. There is no point, I know nothing of what is happening here today, with these people I may find answers. Answers to why my mother was murdered, answers to why I have been targeted, answers. My body gives in as they march me down the path to the car. The door is opened by the man with the ironed tie, and I step fearlessly inside.

homework homework coursework

today i was supposed to get a load of my work done + tidy my room a little bit.

instead i ended up i ended up getting up at 12.30, taking some shiz to oxfam and then to co-op to topup my phone, the coming back to eat chinese food and spend 3 hours watching gavin and stacey.
i don't know why i got up at 12.30, i just kept falling back to sleep because i couldnt be bothered to get out of bed, plus i was tired. the topup didnt give me the free texts and internet that it's supposed to, which means i am going to die, my credit is gonna go so fast having to pay for texts |: the chinese was good, but the time passed so fast watching the gavin and stacey that before i knew it it was 4.30 and i had got absolutely nothing done. i started redoing some coursework, and it went okay but now i dont know if im allowed to restart it. i tried doing maths, but got so bored and frustrated that i couldnt work it all out i just ended up laying on my bed.

so now im doing my coursework and this, but idk if im allowed to completely rewrite it. but i dont like my first one. i reread it and it sounds stupid. i wish i was good at writing english, i never find the right words. maybe i need to read more serious stuff like stephen king, maybe i should go to the library tomorrow and check a load out. but i get bored so easily. besides the library now isn't about the books now, it's just about looking pretty. there are nowhere near as many books as there used to be, :/ maths i can do, but its so god damn boring. anyway, i guess its back to my coursework. *sigh* i bet i just get another B anyway. i know thats good. but if i 'can do better' then i should, surely? but my hugetastic laziness just gets in the way. and the way im critical, and get bored too easily. eurgh. stupid. i miss being in primary, back then a page long story was loads...

i am getting my haircut tomorrow, then possibly need to go to an orange shop to get my texts, need em :( think i'l just get a trim, cba with anything else. anyway, back to my coursework!
:P
x

and so we continue our story

standing tall and proud in the middle of the road, bert felt like a king. now he completely understood why he'd wanted to be a lollipop lady; this was the life. he crossed the road to help a small group of children, one that caught his eye looked about 5 and wore a scarlet red coat. bert decided to strike up a conversation as she looked interesting.
'do you believe the experimentation's on the movement on subatomic particles is going anywhere?' the girl looked down towards him, he lip turned up like a sluts skirt, and a tiny drop of saliva wound its way out of her mouth. the girl giggled, then ran off muttering 'subatomic particleys' to herself as she went.
bert stared in horror as the saliva droplet fell towards him. it landed right on his beautiful wart. he heard a scream burst out of his small banana mouth, and his eyes darted round in horror. the saliva was burning, burning away at his precious wart. then suddenly the pain was all over, the flames in his mouth were gone, and bert felt fine. relieved, he glanced down towards the floor. to his horror, he saw on the tarmac the little red ribbon that he had tied this morning, and lying next to it was BERT'S WART. bert could not believe his yellow eyes, his beautiful amazing stunning wart had been ripped away from him. he clasped his hands to his face and sure enough it was gone. oceans rippled down his yellow skin, and his little heart cracked.
he tore off his prized yellow luminous coat and run off back towards his house, tears falling everywhere, leaving rivers behind him. bert turned up the main road towards his house. a beastly shadow rose above him like a wave, and bert could only look in horror as this horrific monster tore towards him. the tires of the smartcar approached at a speend of nearly 15 miles per hour, and hit bert straight on. he collapsed backwards in a pile of banana mush and banana milkshake. the smart car drove away carefree.

i just watched big bang theory, sheldon is so funny. in a weird way. i can imagine knowing someone like him, it would annoy the shit out of me.

okay i know i was supposed to write loads of crap but that story really took it out of me, sorry katherine! x

this is for katherine.

there was once a banana. his name was bert mestropolis, and he was laying in bed one day after a long nights sleep, when he began contemplating to himself about the wart on his chinn. he'd never really thought about it before, it had been there ever since he'd grown on the banana tree. he got out of bed and gazed into the mirror. the wart looked as it did normally, but today was different. today bert was finding it very attractive. he couldn't believe he'd never noticed it before, how god had blessed him! excited by the concepts having such a beautiful wart had opened up to him, he quickly got dressed into his peel, and tied a small red bow around the wart. bert took a final moment to admire himself in the mirrow, then walked out of the room and left for work.
bert had spent many of his years working his way up through jobs, he'd gained many promotions, and had eventually find himself exactly where he wanted to be. he put on his bright yellow coat, and stepped out into the middle of the road holding his sign with pride, a gold medal to all his hard work.

TBC WHEN I'VE EATEN AND WATCHED A BIT OF I.T CROWD.

its not perfect but it'll do

my mum said yes to town tomorrow :DDDD which means i can try and get a few new clothes which im happy happy happy about. i need some leggings, but not jeggings because they are yucky, and some boots. and a school jumper, buts thats not as interesting.
i cant wait for summer either, can wear nice clothes + wear my new bike stuff ;D woop!

anyway, i think everythings sortedish again. im not so confused now. i still dont know what i want, but i think im completely over it all. i still miss the butterfly feeling and the niceness of having someone, but you in general im over. im glad that we're talking again because i dont like hating people. its not a nice feeling, makes you feel horrid. anyways, i have a roast to eat. im not even hungry, but i couldnt say no because that would be mean, so ima have to eat it and just leave some. then tomorrow morn i will sneak it dowwnstairs, and no-one will know! 8) im so smart.

nightynights!

im getting into these again

Song that always makes you sad : cold as you - taylor swift
chasing cars - snow patrol
Last thing you bought : katarinas birthday present ;D / i chipped in with matt for my burger king lunch :D goodtimes
Last person you argued with : dunno, i more 'debate' ;D
Do you put butter before putting the jelly on: i have JAM. but not in sandwiches
One of your nicknames as a kid : zozo ¬.¬
Did you ever own at one time a Nsync Cd : ew, no. :L
Favorite day of the week : friday. because you're in a good mood all day cos it's close to saturday/weekend {:
Favorite Sundae topping : erm, chocolate + marshmallows ;D or toffee, nomnom!
Did you take Piano lessons : nope, im a failure at instruments
Most frequent song played : if today was your last day - nickelback , 82 plays D:
TV show you secretly enjoy : erm, come dine with me? but everyone secretly watches that xD
Would you rather play basketball or hockey : basketball, more fun
Date someone older or younger : older
One place you could travel right now : id like to have joined jack in austria please!
Do you use umbrellas: if its raining
Do you know all the words to your national anthem : jesus no :L
Favorite Cheese : double gloucester? or any melted cheese, yumyum!
Disturbed or My Chemical Romance : neither lol
Blondes or Brunettes : depends who it is, i wouldnt really care
Best job you ever had : working in the indian lol, they gave me yummy food (L)
Did you go to your high school prom : never had one
Perfect time to wake up : on a weekend, like 9ish? on school, 7.11 exactly, yupp, precise
Perfect time to go to bed : 10.30?
Do you use your queen right away in chess : you cant unless you move the pawn first STUPID. however, sometimes i do use the queen near the start. depends who im playing with.
Ever been in a car accident : no, and dont plan to thanks
Closer to mom or dad...or neither: mUm. and dad. idk really, i like oth of them
What do you call your sweetheart lovingly : i don't. i don't have a 'sweetheart' anymore
What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager : 80's, sounds like funtimes
Favorite shoes you have EVER owned : my powerpuff girl trainers, they lit up when i stomped. those were the days!
Were you ever in a school talent show : i've been in a few at meopham, and i was in the plays at my primary school
Have you ever written in a library book : probably, at some point
Favorite fruit strawberries or raspberries: raspberries
Have you watched sex and the city : no. the movie bored me lol.
Baseball hat or toque : baseball hat.
Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap : shampoo.
Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste : wet, not right otherwise
Pen or pencil: pencil, you can draw with pencils as well as write
Have you ever gambled at a casino : on the 2p machines ;D and i lost everything :'(
Have you thrown up on a plane : no
Have you thrown up in a car : no
Have you thrown up at work : oh yes :') yumyumyum
Do you scream on roller coasters : its not fun if you dont scream!
Who was your first prom date : don't do proms
Who was your first roommate : erm, my cat?
What alcoholic beverage did you drink for the first time: red wine i believe
What was your first job : paperround .
What was your first car : never owned a car :(((
When did you first go to a funeral: my grandads :(
How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown: never moved, lol
Who was your first grade teacher: the one before miss gingell, i cant remember her name lol
When did you sneak out of your house for the first time : i dont think i ever have lol
Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them : rosie, and yes i am :D
Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent : i live with my parents. im that cool 8)
Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day : fred.
Whose wedding were you in, the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsman : never been a bridesmaid :'(
What is the first thing you do in the morning : pee. :D
What was the first concert you attended : i never have :O apart from yogs
First tattoo or piercing : none, god im such a failure!
Where did you go on your first airplane ride : never! apart from that time i drove a helicopter
First celebrity crush : i believe it was the cute one from busted (L)

im hot.
katherine payne, if i could, i would marry you.
but i cannot.

"i know what you are"
"say it"
"gay."
;)

i get bored.

YOU

1. What's your name ? : Zoe King.
2. Whens your birthday ? : 2nd May.
3. Where were you born? : Gravesend Hospital
4. Were you a planned child? i think so? i never asked..
5. Eye/ hair color : brown, dark blonde
6. Shoe size : 6
7. Piercings? : none =O
8. Tattoos ? : none again.. im a fail.
9. Wear any jewellery? : bracelets, my watch, and normally a necklace
10. How short are you ? : like 5'5 - 5'6
11. How many teeth are in your mouth? just the one ;D
12. Chew your nails? : non,
13. What does your hair look like? dark blonde, wavyish
14. Do you wear glasses? : no, + i way miss all my sunglasses :(
15. Have you ever broken a bone ? nope, dont jinx please

[ L I F E ]

1. Do you live with both parents ? : yupp, i do {:
2. Do you have any pets ? : j'ai un chat qui s'appelle fred ;D get that mrs holmes!
3. How many siblings do you have? a sister, steph. we're not alike.
4. Anybody other then relatives live with you ?: nope, unless you count fred
5. Lots of friends ? : i have no friends (N)
6. Have a job ? : ive had a few, all ended goddammit.
7. Do you have a car?: we have two in the king possession, not specifically the zoe possession tho
8. Where are you located ? : on the chair by my desk in my room ;D
9. Any mental illnesses ? : none diagnosed anyway
10. Retarded? im normal, everyone else is just weird, so leave it out{:
11. Currently sick ? : nopeeeee
12. Ever spent the night in a hospital ? : nope
13. Do you wish you could change anything about your life?: my love life yes, but life in general im happy with. takes more energy to be sad.
14. Excited for anything ? : pancake day! and valentines day ;D
15. Why do you get up in the morning? : normally school -.-

[ F R I E N D S ]

1. Who are your friends ? jesus im not listing everyone.
2. Who do you trust the most ? : rosie, and possibly jack with some stuff
3. Which is most like you ? : no-one is like me lol. hmm, idk who i'd pick
4. Do you like any of them more then a friend ? : im getting past him.
5. Describe all your friends in one word : fat. :D
6. Who has been there for you through the hard times ? : rosie, for sure
7. What are a few memories you have with them ? : erm, so so many xD pizza hut ;D
8. Who lives the farthest? : my german friend simon! OH YEA. okay for serious, sam probably.
9. Who do you hang out with most ? : in school, watkins. outside of school, loads of different people.
10. Anyone you wish you were still friends with? : sort of. but tbh i dont want to talk to you.
11. A song that describes your friendship with all your friends ? : im only me when im with you - taylor swift
liquid lives - hadouken (okay maybe not utterly true, but still,xD)

12. Have a friend thats kinda two-faced? : sort of. but it doesnt effect me so much?
13. Friend that you tell EVERYTHING to? : rosie
14. Who was your first real best friend? rosie {:

[ L O V E ]

1. Status : single.
2. Who are you with : no-one. fuck it.
3. Anyone you got in mind? : still tryna sort my head out tbh.
4. Last person you said i love you to? : idk. aimee? :D
5. Why did your last relationship end? : because he basically decided i wasnt good enough anymore.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight? : no. sorry, but no.
8. Honestly , are you/were you ever in love?: possibly, idk. wasn't worth it all in the end. love is pain so in that sense i must of been, but im too young to know what love is for sure.
9. What do you look for in a relationship : someone who gives a shit. and makes me laugh.
10. Any one certain thing that would cause a break up? : when the persons a dickcunt who doesn't care about anything except themselves and their xbox.
11. Plan on getting married? : yes. when it's right.

[ F U T U R E ]

1. Will you get married? : someday.
2. Where will you live? : earth.
3. What kind of job do you want? : something in design.
4. Big family? : please god no.
5. Going to university? : if i find the money.
6. How many kids? : 0. unless i decide i want any.
7. Do you think you will still have the same friends? : i hope so.
8. Do you think you will act the same? : no. im growing up, it happens, things change.
9. Will your style change a lot? : yes. fashions change.
10. Where do you plan to retire? : i doubt i'l live that long. someday all my clutziness will actually end real badly. but if i do, somewhere nice.
11. What are you doing next year? : year 11. shitscared.
12. What do you think you will be doing in 10 years?: working my way up.
13. Ever make plans with someone for the future?: the future scares me too much to think about it all.

[ L A S T ]

1. Drive : to maidstone today with my daddy :D
2. Phone call : my dad, to find where he was from that dance show thing {:
3. Text message : tom, at 18.16
4. Kiss : sams party i think /:
5. Hug : aimee i think?
6. Shower : this morning
7. Movie watched: the break up
8. Night? : i was on facebook and such, then watched the cleveland brown show and went to bed about 11.
9. Song listened to: love sweat and beer - hadouken
10. Last thing that was bought? : helmet + leather jacket, booya!

[ R A N D O M ]

1. Do you have your natural hair color? yesyesyes
2. Anything fake on you? nope
4. Have a secret hand shake with anyone? : i have my prattish handshake with sam ;D
5. In my house: porn, maltesers, lubricants such as vaseline and your mother. OOFT.
6. Three things I could not live without are : music -phil-, my laptop, and food?
7. Most memorable moment : erm, got to be when i got raped by farmer bert amongst the carrot fields with the pigs watching. that was NOT a good experience /:
8. First word that comes to mind : MUGGLE.
9. Favorite song lyrics : oh jesus.
theres gotta be something for my soul somewhere.
i wanna run with the reckless emotion, find out if love is the size of an ocean, even if i crash down and burn out, at least im gonna know what its like to feel alive.
it rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
my brother had a book he would hold with pride, little red cover + a broken spine, on the back he handwrote a quote inside; when the rich wage war its the poor who die.
life is a maze + love is a riddle.
i could go on for long.
i need inspiration, not just another negotiation.
10. What are your plans for tomorrow?: bluewater with katherine+matt+tom ;D
11. What about this weekend? : that is the weekend lol. havent planned sunday yet.
12. What do you say way too much : fail.
13. Ever drove an ATV : a what now?
14. I currently feel : confused + happy
15. How long did it take you to fill this out? like an hour cos i stopped in between cos of 8 out of 10 cats

bikey cheese on toast

aaaah, i love shopping {: i went to maidstone with my daddio, and got a new jacket+helmet. i was really surprised at how hideously tacky some of the helmets were, how can people wear that and not feel sick?! i got just a normal silver one, which is goodstuff :D

then we came home and had cheese on toast and it was rather yummy tings :D i watched the skins from last night, it was okay. im still kind of not as interested as the last one. effy is so normal, its just boring. but i never would have thought cookes mother was rich, woaaaas :P his brother is a little shit thogh, i think anyway. but still kind of cute? xD

i need to pee.
byes?

evening of the parentals

aaaaaye, im really happy {:
all my teachers were really nice, and mrs macleod didn't smell! my mum was actually quite dissapointed, she'd only wanted to see her to see how much she smelt lol!
its not even nine o clock now and im really tired :'( but i feel lame going to bed early, i might go make some food and whack on some dvds bei ;D i know i've already had dinner but im hungry again! goddammit!

i saw rosie in the corridor, and she coughed, so i coughed louder, and my mum was like 'is this some sort of inside joke then?' :L n'aww. but seriously, i am actually really happy. the strange thing is i bet when i get back into their lessons it will be back to normal, being told off for talking etc etc. hmm :P

on the way out the stupid teacher with the stupid voice and massive gap between her teeth was like 'have you signed up for parent mail' then they started discussing about how kids dont give letters and oh how funny. then tasha and badger came passed, she asked them and they were both like 'yupp, we've signed up for all that already.' wahey, that made me look so disorganised! *sigh*

my cat was in here a minute ago and i think he farted, it smells really yucky. and no, it wasn't me. silly boy. cats shouldn't fart, yuckyuckyuck.
i need to get changed into my pjs. but i cba to get up. mheeeer.

donedonedone.

i have succeeded in rosies early blog thing, 7.12 am! xD

its far too early. i hate school, well not school exactly but the time i have to get up to go to it. i wasnt tired until 11 last night so fell asleep about half 11, which means i had 7 and a half hours sleep bleeeeurgh. but i had a dream which contained a lot of drugs, and thats al i remember about it.

the snow amount is feeble. its like a tiny layer of snow, not even an inch. which means we still have to go into school, and it just makes everything that little bit colder and there are no advantages to it., ¬_¬

but art today, woo! id better go get dressed.

im really bored, for shame!

Have you kissed somebody over 19 years of age?
no.

What would you do if your best friend went out with your ex?
there would be some stones to be thrown. and some punches to be punched. and shouting to be shouted. CUNT.
hopefully this is not going to happen, she wouldn't do that to me.

Green or gold?
green.

What’s your sport?
walking. i walk don't i ?

Do you know how to keep a conversation going?
yes, if i want it to.

Do you like the rain?
i love it if im in the right mood.

What hat would you rock?
erm, a tophat? id look well sexy. ;D

Were you ever with someone who was completely different than you?
not really, theres always something in common, even if its something like liking shoes or whatever.

Have you ever had a crush on someone that was in a relationship?
hasn't everyone?

When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
can't remember.

What is bothering you right now?
i don't like this song, the second question has put thoughts into my mind, and i need a bath but cba to get up to run it in.

I’ll bet you miss someone right now.
i do and i shouldn't.

Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
non, but when i watch em late at night, well it's easy to get scared by them..
:P

If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it?
i'd try and save it. but probably spend it, just over time.

If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay?
yeah, lol. idm em.

Do you have any enemies?
not specifically, but there are people i 'strongly dislike'.

Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
his eyes were sort of greyey-blue. mheeeeeeer.

When was the last time you were truly happy with your life?
a few months ago, before january for sure.

When is the last time you made someone else cry?
idk, :/

Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?
well not at my age, but possibly if i was older.

Last person you had a deep and meaningful conversation with?
probably rosie?

Does your ex miss you?
he's a cunt and he never gave a crap, why would he start now? basically no.

Reason behind why you last cried?
because i was lonely, i couldn't sleep, and thoughts wouldn't stop.

Do you have a deep dark secret?
not really.

What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
haven't been grounded in years! woah!

What was your childhood nickname?
zozo, EURGH. or noey which was okay. lets not even go towards doey and lawnmoey..{:

Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
married.

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
scary men who would do bad stuff

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
if i had to be rosie or katherine or katarina.
actually not rosie cos she'd be moaning about how she needed to be+was hungry.
i think katarina cos we'd just sleep most of the time ;D

Who do you blame for your mood today?
erm, everyone i saw was part of my mood for surely?


Last person you went out to dinner with?
cat+kat+rosie, though it wasn't really 'out for dinner' we just grabbed maccy d's :P

How do you vent your anger?
i blog, lol. and i punch my pillow, and i cry.

Are most of your friends virgins?
probably, hopefully

Are you a mama’s child or a daddy’s child?
erm, well i believe they both played a part ..

Is anything alive in your room?
me + fred

im a boredun

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
tango orange {:

Who was your last text message from?
sam lewis

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
non

Where was your profile picture taken?
apple shop {:

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20?
rosie+katheriney

Name someone that made you laugh today?
jeremy clarkson ;D

How late did you stay up last night and why?
about 1, cos thats when i was tired

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
non, i like where i am, roots and all that

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
jakey {:

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
yes. if they're not cunts.

Calling or texting?
textingg

How do u feel about Dr pepper?
yumyum

When was the last time you cried really hard?
when i got back from yog, mherrr

Where is your biological father right now?
downstairs i think

Where are you at right now?
in my bedrooomy

What bed did you sleep in last night?
mine.

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
dunno, pizza?

Who took your profile picture?
the laptop in apple shop @@

Was yesterday better than today?
yes t'was! yesterday was amaze

Can you live a day without TV?
sure, i'l just waddle onto iplayer, you can watch it all on there ;D

Are you mad about anything?
my forehead, im poor + im stuck like this for a while

Are you a bad influence?
im innocent, swear it.

Night out or night in?
night out please!

What items could you not go without during the day?
phoney, phil, purse[freedompass comes with this] and money? and clothes, obvs.

Would you share a drink with a stranger?
what someone i dont know at all? NO.

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
never i dont think actually

What does the 3rd text message in your inbox say?
il be there at about 1230, bit late.

How do you feel about your life right now?
ive got everything i need, but not everything i want

How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
dunno, never?

Do you hate anyone?
yes, you stupid little slut. and other people, dont blame me.

If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find?
email ; a load of advertising shit
fb ; gig stuff, a load of crap i dont want from 'the big picture' and messages from people
phone ; loaaaaads of shit. :P

Can you easily tell if someones fake?
its obvious most of the time

If you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
yea

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
yes, but it really doesnt make anything better

What song is stuck in your head?
way back into love from music and lyrics

Wanna have kids before you’re 30?
if i have kids i dont wanna be old cos then they wont like me

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
school, avoid people, and add the purple to stencil shit

Can you whistle?
a really soppy little high pitched thing, pityful

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
side + stomach

Do you think too much or too little?
too much, about everything

Do you smile a lot?
depends who im with

Who was your last missed call on your mobile phone?
rosie i think

When is the next time you will see the person you like?
tomorrow, unfortunately. although im not sure i like you anymore, i sort of strongly dislike you more.

Are you happy with your life?
no. well parts are amazing, like my friends.

Can you handle the truth?
takes time, but yes

What was the last book you read?
jeremy clarkson, driven to distraction (A)

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
CURRY! haha, no. {:

Is there something you always wear?
pants

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
watching glee :D

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF do i really need to write this, was all lies anyway

Did you have an exciting last weekend?
saturday was amaze :D

Have you ever crawled through a window?
ive climbed through a car windown

Have you ever dyed your hair?
non

Are you wearing a necklace?
havent even got dressed today, normally do though

What's something that can always make you feel better?
fred and phil

Will this weekend be a good one?
its almost over, next weekend is not planned yet, i think katherine is coming over to wallow in ice cream for valentines

What do you want right now?
a bath, a nice boyfriend and top gear {:

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
regularly, its easily stolen

Look behind you, what do you see?
my bed, the shit on my wall

Have you ever worked in a food place?
yaya, was quite fun actually :P

What would you name your future daughter?
liferuiner
:D

Any summer plans for 2010?
i dont think that far ahead cos too much can change as ive learnt
probably broadstairs aint gonna happen, too much shit happened since last year
but hopefullies
spent with my buds, lots of sun, summer clothes, tanning, parties, shopping, goodtimes :]

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
double media re double it art.

Does anyone know your facebook password?
i do, i have to change it regularly

Would you like some cake?
nice bitta chocolate fudge or sticky toffee pudding would hit the spot :D

you CUNT, pizza hut

i am actually so angry. its like this is the last straw, you've cut me and my friends out of your life completely, like you want to pretend i never happened, just a scratch on your whole dirty history. frankly it's not really fair, why do you suddenly think you're all better than me and that i'm not even worthy of being a facebook friend anymore?! this is a new low, even for you. sure you treated me shitly when it ended, but that means that all the good times before are forgotten and worthless? nice to know. really.

but i did have quite an amazing day today {: pizza hut was actually so amaze, i never thought i'd get that much fun sitting there for hours. i guess when you're with the right people it all just falls into place :D i love you guys, woo {: but, i did feel terrifically sick afterwards, especially after that ice cream, looked like diarrohea :L nom!
i skipped dinner, and had a bowl of shreddies whilst watching music and lyrics. i actually really like that film, i know people said it was rubbish, but i always kinda liked it, it's sweet. and the songs actually pretty good as well :P

oh, i take the first paragraph back. it appears you've deleted everyone.. hmm. well idk what happened, maybe you just don't like people and have developed agoraphobia and cant have friends anymore. or maybe your head got so big NO-ONE is good enough for you anymore! whatever.

omg the waitress today, she was called zoe! and she was way amazingly nice (L) d'aww. fate. the size of my food baby was outstanding, i really should have work the jimi hendrix top instead, would have hidden it. i also cannot believe just as we were reliving the 'bring me the curry' and such jokes, who should shout out 'ZOE!' but curry himself! haha! aww, couldn't stop laughing at that. rosie has summoning powers, i really do hope you say it in your sleep then wake up and he's there. and i hope they film it, LOL. they would so be a youtube hit :L

i was watching alan carr chatty man a few mo's ago and jordan/katie price was on it. she actually isn't so bad, although she does seem like shes tryna convince everyone her 'marriage' to alex is all perfect, early days. you were with pete for six years and now you're both getting shitlaods of money making up dirt on the other. whole things stupid. i really couldn't care less about your marriage, but as a person you seem okay :P

rfwrlessdfuiogbuwi

just thinking, exactly this time last week i was watching the zambia show quite happily, not even knowing or expecting the finale to be so good (A) mmm, impressive stuff that was! about two hours later i was the most confused person on the planet. but im not going there because it's really not worth it. dickhead. oh, im sorry, cunt, if thats better.

so anyway, it was the redgrave show today :D

i can't believe they didn't even use my wig. ANGRY. but y'know, if i ever need a ginger plaited wig i've got one ;D and it's all for charity (A) plus i think our charity week must have gone pretty well tbh, we must have got at least £200, [i hope] xP

today i got in a spot of trouble over an angry girl who got a tad upset when i said to her she shouldn't talk about me when im standing right there. then in changing rooms she got really upset because everyone was screaming at her? me+some people who shouldnt have been blamed, got blamed. i accept my part in the fact i argued with her, but it was unfair, most of the people who got introuble for it weren't even involved at all. but i did feel quite bad after it all, i mean it must have been horrid having everyone take the piss out of you when they didn't even know what happened. \:

bluewater tomorrow, am actually looking forward to it :D
i am actually really dissapointed with this season of skins so far. last series i was like gripped really quickly, and just this season is kind of boring tbh.

need to go get into my pjs, then 8 out of 10 cats with a bitta chocolate (L) tonights planned as well :D

wow, you actually apologised!

oh right. you're apologising. congratulations.

oh really? you could have been more nice about it? wow, thats almost noticing OTHER PEOPLE have emotions. never thought id see you do that.

whatever tbh. still empty. glad.

i still want to throw rocks at you. :D

but, now thats all done and completely over, im going to enjoy my life as a singleton, and on valentines day i am going to pig on icecream with katherine. any joiners? {;

wanna go back

i wanna go back to last summer.

i wanna go back to the sleepover with cat kathi and jamielee. that day was so amazing, sunbathing in that field, going to the clay beach then the cotage pie, then the pokemon wars, and blomblom, easnt bored once, such an amazing day <3

i wanna go back to broadstairs. i wanna go back to that day, before everything went wrong, to the days when you were really nice to me and you hadnt turned into an arse. i actually loved that day, the train, the sunbathing, buying that boat and going out into the sea loads, having to spend loads of effort walking because the sand was heavy, so fun ^.^

i wanna go back to that really hot day at bluewater when we went paddling in the lakes, and spent hours just on that little pebble bit of bluewater.

i wanna go back to kat's sleepover birthday, eating loads of thai sweet chilli crisps, chicago+team america(even though i fell asleep:L) catherines endless 'smells', doing the physical attractiveness test, eating ice cream with pippa, the cookie cake :D

i wanna go back to my birthday. strange how social groups can change so much in less than a year. i remember those days, when all the people who came were my closest friends, some of you i dont even talk to anymore. but the day was so so good, before everything got complicated, its like i said, my birthday was the turning point of everything going wrong. hmm.

i know i cant go back to those times, so im just gonna be happy that they happened and they were times i was so happy. i miss the days when things weren't so complicated. but hey, i've had some amazing times in my life {:

cuppa tea + catherines mum? i think so.

so heres my trail of emotions since you dumped me like shit.

confused -> regretful -> sad -> hysterical -> annoyed -> angry -> empty.

yesterday i wanted to go up to you, scream in your face and punch you in your stupid big face. now i couldnt care. ive got such amazing friends i dont need you, or your big head.

today i went to catherines house before walktall, and had a nice cup of tea and a chat with her mum, who is amazing. she said boys are stupid throw stones at them. to which rosie+kat responded, 'i will gladly join you in that'. then when i said to her why she said 'now why on earth could anyone think your not good enough. the thing is, boys at your age, they have the attention span of a gnat.' this not only made me laugh my head off but made me feel worth something. and i realised, i dont need you, ive got everyone i need right by me.
then we got macdonalds, and went to walktall, where rosie became phillip burgerneese, a gay polishman who pooed because he got poked by george mackey in english. then we filmed it, couldnt stop laughing <3

i love everyone who's been there for me while ive been a depressed blob.
rosie, thank you for being there to talk, moan and cry to, then nearly punching him in the face for me. ♥
katherine, thank you for telling him exactly what you thought, and reassuring me when i got into hysterics in your car. ♥
katarina, thank you for being there when it happened. if you werent there i dont know what would have happened. but i bet it would have been worse. and thank you for not going on about it and letting me make digs at myself+him all night. ♥
sam, thank you for the square of aero when i needed chocolate therapy. ♥
aimee, thank you for making me laugh when i was hardly even talking. ♥
amy cookie, thank you for your hugs. they are the best hugs in the world, so reassuring. ♥
catherine/catherines mum, thank you for making me feel worth something, and making me laugh, and buying macdonalds, always good ♥
frank, (strange one :L) but you did actually make me feel better, even though i could tell you were struggling with what to say, lol. ♥
amy, thank you for being there. making me feel not alone. ♥
katarinas mum, thankyou for icecream and laughter, lol. ♥

so yeh,thanks guys :D and sorry if ive been hard to talk to or a bit of a misery. im done now.