just friends?

is it physically impossible to be JUST friends with the opposite sex?

despite everything i know, i still say yes.
im a hypocrite sometimes.
i do it without even realising im doing it, and it still goes on when for sure im not! its why i sympathise strongly with katherine. i understand what shes on about.

worst things when you want to be just friends, oh the guilt.

its why im going to hold onto the ones i know are just friends, because then i dont have to worry and its all just a lot simpler. which is good, simple is good. :D

alright its a jammie dodger but i was told there'd be tea!

so its official. thats quite ironic actually, i pictured it yes, but it's still ironic for me. my wife is going out with my ex. see? pretty ironic from where i'm standing.
tbh i don't care, just the fact that you won't be honest is what annoys me. would have been nice to hear it from the right person tbh. still my friend, you're welcome to him. don't say i didnt warn you. who knows, maybe you'll last, but don't come crying to me when he's him. good luck to you tbh, hope it works out for you because you deserve that. it's possibly he may have changed, i did know him but not now. well i thought i did, but know i don't now. hohum, things change. and when all is said and done, i've still got jeremy clarkson! waheyeheyhey;D

on another subject, i got back from norfolk and up there i had my first nando's. i failed on the subway count, even though i said i would, AND take a picture, i didnt find the subway until too late :( oh well, nando's was good ;D
i also ate bamboo. t'was chewy. AND MY FORTURE COOKIE WAS EMPTY. i'm quite worried about this, i mean; if even my forture cookies empty then what's going on with my life? does this mean i should start looking for meaning and fulfilment or just give up? hmm. oh well, the cookie tasted good anyway. heheheheheehehe.
AND I HAD MY FIRST NICKERBOCKERGLORY. that i remember. and i finished it all ;) i was proud, it was yummy, my family were surprised. well thats a lie, they knew id eat it all. ahaha.

i also got new sunglasses :D i miss my bumblebees & heart ones :( they were the best ever, because no-one else had them. :'( im such an idiot to lose them. but im hoping not too many people will have these. they are from h+m so are bound to not be unique and stuff, but you win some you lose some. i tried to get some that werent too samey, and sam said they looked good:D and i couldnt find an ugly red skirt. i mean jeesh, shops make so many ugly things when i actually need one theres NOTHING? fml. well there was one. but it was size 6. and i dont think i could get that small even if i stopped eating and stuff. and i dont wanna stop eating anyway, bwecause GOD I LOVE FOOD.

i have decided to give up fizzy drinks (unless i'm out). im very unhealthy, and i believe this is a step in the right direction.

DOCTOR WHO:D
<3
yes alright it's a jammie dodger but i was told there would be tea! god love that show.

i have lost about 3 years worth of pictures and music. my harddrive broke /:my dads going to get me another one sometime this week, but its not really about the harddrive. more what was on it. no-one else had some of them pictures, and ALL MY STOCKS AND TEXTURES. thats so many hours worth of collecting, cropping, magic wanding, searching.

i've done 2/3 of my essay, but frankly i cbb. i think whati've done is okay, and ima do it spread over the next 4 days. i'l be happy with whatever i get so long as it is c and above. hopefully a b. thats what i normally get in english {: plus mr crosdale is a pooface; 3 mymaths homeworks all on stuff we haven't done? sheesh, n00b. school tomorrow, ifi wake up. AND NO ROSIE. monday is rosie day! :'( and shes not gonna be here. damned volcano /:

time away did good, or bad depending on how i look at it. i still don't know if i should have done what i did, or whether i should have acted on what i did do. but im thinking its gonna be fine.

i don't judge you, but tbh you need to sort yourself out. its not your fault granted, but still. mmmmmmmm.

out.

decoy

i wish there was just a button in life that you could press and everything would just stop.
sometimes everything thats going on doesnt feel like it actually is, like there is is somebody else who all these problems belong to, and that if i think about something else all the problems will be gone when my mind wanders back. i wish it were so. why cant i be sorted, why is my brain such a snob to please. goddamn this world, let me sort out ? im fussy, and stubborn, and get easily locked on, and forgetting is hard.

why am i so mean? lets dig deeper and deeper then the hole is so big i have to cut in steps to climb out, cutting in the edges.

so many questions, i do not know any of the answers any more. i wish it were like maths, one definite answer, then if theres a remainder just make it a decimal point then everything is one big happy number.

although i did have a rather good day today {: i can never be unhappy when subway is around! haha.

im really looking forward to going to owains tomorrow, can just forget about all the things that are frazzling my poor little brain right now. then next weekend is katarinas birthday ^_^ which im really looking forward to, should be amazing.

you CUNT, pizza hut

i am actually so angry. its like this is the last straw, you've cut me and my friends out of your life completely, like you want to pretend i never happened, just a scratch on your whole dirty history. frankly it's not really fair, why do you suddenly think you're all better than me and that i'm not even worthy of being a facebook friend anymore?! this is a new low, even for you. sure you treated me shitly when it ended, but that means that all the good times before are forgotten and worthless? nice to know. really.

but i did have quite an amazing day today {: pizza hut was actually so amaze, i never thought i'd get that much fun sitting there for hours. i guess when you're with the right people it all just falls into place :D i love you guys, woo {: but, i did feel terrifically sick afterwards, especially after that ice cream, looked like diarrohea :L nom!
i skipped dinner, and had a bowl of shreddies whilst watching music and lyrics. i actually really like that film, i know people said it was rubbish, but i always kinda liked it, it's sweet. and the songs actually pretty good as well :P

oh, i take the first paragraph back. it appears you've deleted everyone.. hmm. well idk what happened, maybe you just don't like people and have developed agoraphobia and cant have friends anymore. or maybe your head got so big NO-ONE is good enough for you anymore! whatever.

omg the waitress today, she was called zoe! and she was way amazingly nice (L) d'aww. fate. the size of my food baby was outstanding, i really should have work the jimi hendrix top instead, would have hidden it. i also cannot believe just as we were reliving the 'bring me the curry' and such jokes, who should shout out 'ZOE!' but curry himself! haha! aww, couldn't stop laughing at that. rosie has summoning powers, i really do hope you say it in your sleep then wake up and he's there. and i hope they film it, LOL. they would so be a youtube hit :L

i was watching alan carr chatty man a few mo's ago and jordan/katie price was on it. she actually isn't so bad, although she does seem like shes tryna convince everyone her 'marriage' to alex is all perfect, early days. you were with pete for six years and now you're both getting shitlaods of money making up dirt on the other. whole things stupid. i really couldn't care less about your marriage, but as a person you seem okay :P

wow, you actually apologised!

oh right. you're apologising. congratulations.

oh really? you could have been more nice about it? wow, thats almost noticing OTHER PEOPLE have emotions. never thought id see you do that.

whatever tbh. still empty. glad.

i still want to throw rocks at you. :D

but, now thats all done and completely over, im going to enjoy my life as a singleton, and on valentines day i am going to pig on icecream with katherine. any joiners? {;

if?

this is gonna be a bit sad. so dont be annoyed at me cos i warned you \:

i went yog earlier. in the car everyone was saying i looked sad and in the end everything just came out, and it was first time in ages i've been like that, and i hated it. i hated it, i felt so bloody feeble cos i couldnt stop. my breathing was all horrible and i felt so crappy.
then i got to yog, and i had cryeyes. which made everything worse because everyone knew i was sad, and this just made me cry more, so much so that i wouldnt even open my mouth to speak because i would have just gone bleurgh and crack. i tried to hold it in, and i think i did pretty well. the strange thing is i dont know where it was all coming from because that morning i'd been fine. i guess its just when everyone knows you're sad cos you cant hide it that you just let out. but i am actually so thankful to all my friends. so much. i know i was pretty crappy but you were there for me and it just made me feel so much better, now lonely.
and i got home and into my room and just broke. everything i'd been holding in through yog just came out and poured down my face and i couldnt stop. and thats where i am now. but i know its not gonna help anything at all because you dont give a shit. its probably my fault anyway.
if i were skinnier
if i were prettier
if my belly was flatter, muscular
if my eyes were bigger
if my eyelashes were longer
if my nose was pointier
if my balance was daintier
if my hair was trendier, smoother, generally nicer
if my boobs were bigger
if my thighs were muscular
if my legs were thinner
if my fingers were slender
if my feet were prettier
if my smile was cuter
if my teeth were whiter
if i was nicer
if my face was shorter
if my cheeklines were bonier
if my eyebrows were shapier
if my nose was less shiney
if i had nicer legs
if my skin was smoother
if
maybe
maybe

shit happens.

i hate myself, im so pityful. why?!

roomtidy/valentines/friday

i just tidied my room
and vaccuumed it
i used to be really obsessed with keeping my carpet clean, but recently i've got really slobby and cba. to be fair when you compare my room to some peoples it looks good. but now it looks better, rearranged+dusted the shelf, tidied desk, vaccuumed carpet, made bed, and stuck up any pictures that had fallen down. so now im ready for katarina to not think i live in a pigsty. however her rooms not always tidy itself ;D the amount of times i've gone round there and shes been like 'you cant go upstairs, its a dump!' ;D

im actually really looking forward to tomorrow, i might have a footlong sub, if i have enough money. im poor atm, like always. need to save for kats+sams presents, +possibly amy's, then theres a bit of a break cos its my birthday, then until rosies/franks/dans/glens/catherines birthdays im free. today was jacks birthday, happy birthday jacko {: even though you wont read this muaha.

but oh jesus, all the stuffs going up for valentines day. i hate valentines day. mheeeeeer. i guess for some people its cute and all that, but in general i just dont like it. for all the others ive been single, and i actually had such a good valentines day last day with the bowling and secret cupid. anyway, when you're single its like eurgh, im single on a day where everyone else is loved up, how shit do i feel? and if you're iar then theres like a pressure that you have to do something. and get each other silly little teddies and shiz. which i guess is nice, but for me just another thing to worry about messing up and doing wrong. bleeeeurgh.
this does not mean i am against relationships or i do not like my relationship cos i do, i just purely dont like valentines day. maybe this years will be good though, you never know ;D

skins started again tonight but ima watch it online because i dont get e4 in my room (N) and i dont wanna be up late anyways xD
(K)

/:

oh shit.

at least 2010 now has a completely clean slate.

at first i couldn't picture myself with you.
and now i can't picture myself without you.
funny how stuff changes.

happy new years to me eh.